04 Nov Holiday Survival Guide: Tips for Reducing Stress During the Holidays

The holiday season, with its twinkling lights and festive gatherings, is often described as the most wonderful time of the year. Yet, for parents, it can quickly become the most stressful time of the year. Between managing travel, gift shopping, school breaks, and a packed social calendar, it’s no surprise that children’s behavior often takes a challenging turn. Our Holiday Guide for Parents will help to restore joy to the season.

This period of excitement and chaos creates what we call The Predictable Holiday Conflict. Children and teens often struggle because the very foundations of their emotional security—predictable routines and consistent structure—are shaken. The good news is that by using a few key tools from the Active Parenting programs, you can restore calm, cooperation, and joy to your holiday.

Proactive Management: Schedule a Family Meeting

Before the holiday rush truly begins, hold a Family Meeting to proactively manage expectations and routines. This simple strategy, endorsed by Active Parenting, allows everyone to have a voice, helping children feel respected and more invested in the plan.

• Review the Schedule: Talk about travel plans, houseguests, and changes to regular routines, such as bedtimes or screen time limits.
• Establish Ground Rules: Together, agree on a few key rules for family gatherings, focusing on what everyone needs to make the holiday enjoyable (e.g., mutual respect, helping with chores, managing personal space).
• Encourage Cooperation: When children are included in the planning and feel that their needs are considered, they are much more likely to cooperate and less likely to act out.

Tool #1: The Power of Encouragement (Ages 5–12)

A primary goal of the Active Parenting 4th Edition program is to teach parents how to build courage and self-esteem in their children. This is especially critical during the holidays when performance pressure or criticism from relatives can lead to discouragement.

Instead of focusing on mistakes or demanding perfection, use encouragement to reframe criticism before Thanksgiving dinner or a holiday pageant.

• Focus on Effort, Not Just Results: Unlike simple praise (“That’s a great drawing!”), encouragement focuses on the effort and internal drive (“You worked so hard on that project, and it shows!”). This builds intrinsic motivation.
• Build on Strengths: Instead of pointing out what your child didn’t do right, acknowledge a strength you see. For example, “I notice you took out the trash without being asked. That shows responsibility.”
• Stimulate Independence: The holiday can tempt parents to pamper or overprotect their children, but Active Parenting suggests stimulating independence to build self-esteem. Give your child a meaningful, age-appropriate task—like being in charge of greeting guests—to show confidence in them.

Tool #2: Setting Boundaries with Extended Family (Teens)

For parents of preteens and teens, navigating family visits can be a minefield of differing opinions, especially concerning technology, curfews, and maturity. The Active Parenting of Teens program emphasizes that boundaries are the fence posts placed around behavior, protecting your teen from risk and helping them take responsibility.

This tool is about helping parents establish a few clear rules for teens during family visits, and then communicating those rules in a family meeting—and the consequences—to everyone involved.

• Identify Your Core Boundaries: What are your family’s non-negotiable beliefs? For example, “We will treat each other with mutual respect.” This boundary can be used to address disrespectful communication from your teen or a critical comment from a relative.
• Communicate and Validate: When a conflict arises, use the foundation of mutual respect. Validate their feelings (“I understand you’re frustrated about the curfew being earlier tonight”) while simultaneously maintaining the limit (“but the rule is in place to ensure you get enough rest”).
• Establish Clear Consequences: When your teen knows in advance what the rules and consequences are, they are better equipped to make a good choice.

Raising the Next Generation: Cultural Celebration

While managing stress, the holidays also provide a powerful opportunity to connect your children to their heritage. Research in The Bump 2025 Future of Parenting Report highlighted the growing importance of “Cultural Celebration.” Nearly all parents (90%) are emphasizing respect for cultural differences, and many are actively seeking resources to teach their children about different cultures.

Shared experiences, like holiday traditions, strengthen family bonds

Remember that family traditions—from cooking cultural dishes to holiday customs—strengthen the family bond, provide a sense of identity, and pass on values and heritage across generations. For multicultural, blended, or stepfamilies, it is perfectly okay to create entirely new traditions or to intentionally blend customs from different family backgrounds. Embrace the opportunity to share your history and values this season.

Final Holiday Survival Guide for Parents Checklist

To make your holiday season less stressful and more meaningful, remember these key strategies:

• Encourage cooperation with empathy, focusing on effort and strengths over criticism.
• Set realistic expectations for behavior and logistics.
• Maintain structure when routines change, using tools like a Family Meeting.
• Model calm even when things get chaotic—your children are watching and learning from you.
• Be respectful model respect and watch it come back to you.
• Build Traditions explore the cultures and traditions of your extended family and friends and don’t be afraid to create new traditions that reflect the diversity of your family.
• Manage food intake: Monitor sugar consumption and pack protein-rich snacks to help manage energy levels.
• Learn to say “no”: It’s okay to decline invitations to protect your energy and time. Saying no to one thing allows you to say yes to something else, like quality family time.
• Delegate tasks: Don’t try to do it all yourself. Ask family members to help with tasks to avoid burnout.
• Schedule downtime: Build quiet time into the day for children to recharge, even if it’s just 15 minutes to read a book or listen to music. Make rest & self-care a priority.

Active Parenting Publishers has been providing research-based education programs with an emphasis on nonviolent discipline, mutual respect, and open communication for over 40 years.

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