29 Aug Pamela Wood on Leading Effective Parenting Classes
LEADER CONNECTIONS: Pamela Wood Interview Transcript
Our Training and Sales Manager, Micole Mason sat down with Active Parenting legend, Pamela Wood. For the past 31 years, Pamela has been guiding families through EVERY STAGE, EVERY STEP of their parenting journey as an Active Parenting National Trainer. She’s seen it all—so, let’s dive into her wealth of experience and learn some valuable tips for leading effective parenting classes. Get ready, because this is going to be a great one!
Q: HOW DID YOU GET STARTED WITH ACTIVE PARENTING?
A: I found Active Parenting. After a career in the United States Army as a military police officer. I wanted to find a way to keep juveniles from going into the criminal justice system. And one thing that was common was we tended to always say it had something to do with the parents. And although that’s a convenient push aside, to blame it on the parents, it’s not always the parent’s fault when the children are going sideways or going astray. So I wanted to find a method where we could work with parents and do some prevention. So after leaving active duty and moving back to Nashville, I wanted to jump into parent education. So 31 years ago, I started looking at parenting programs and comparing them. And doing that moving into the school system and working with these young children who were so angry and so confused. And a lot of time that anger was not really that they were mad about what was going on with them. They were really just confused and being mistreated. They did not have a voice. And that’s how Family Life Enrichment Consultants was born. Helping parents, helping grandparents who found out that they were back into the parenting game. But being able to give these young children a voice has become very important to me.
Q: WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT LEADING ACTIVE PARENTING CLASSES?
A: Connecting with families. I really love seeing a family that comes in and they’re so frustrated. They’re just angry. They want you to “fix my kid!” And then when they find out it’s not just your kid that needs to be fixed. It’s the way you’re looking at parenting that needs to be tweaked. That’s the beauty of this program to see them at week one. And to see this family at week six, or week eight it’s a beautiful thing and it’s so fulfilling.
Q: WHAT IS THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE?
A: Getting parents to understand that they need parent education. That’s the challenge. But just getting them to that point. They’re like “I don’t need this!” And then when they get it, they’re like “wow, I wish I had this 10 years ago!”
Q: WHAT IS THE KEY TO A SUCCESSFUL PARENTING CLASS?
A: Connecting with your parents, being non-judgmental, and accepting each parent as they are and where they are in their journey. When we can do that as leaders we have given them the biggest reason to exhale to know that they’re okay, to understand that they could not know what they did not know. And to accept them as doing the best that they could with what they had to work with. And know that we’re giving them more tools, more effective tools to use to have a strong family on the back end.
Q: WHICH ACTIVE PARENTING PROGRAMS DO YOU USE?
A: All of them! Every single one of them First Five Years, AP Fourth Edition, AP teens. Now I really love Families in Action because there we’re working with the teens and the parents so both sides are working at the same time. And it’s really funny to see these teenagers connect with their parents when we do Families in Action, but I also do Stepfamilies. And Coco [Cooperative Coparenting]. Coco is a good one. For seeing the transformation in a family when you go from people who can’t stand to even look at each other to people who can actually walk out of the room having a conversation because they’ve learned how to take the children and make them the priority, rather than how much they dislike each other. So I really enjoy all the programs. They all have something special that we add to the life of a child.
Q: DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE PROGRAM?
A: I think I like the First Five Years best because that’s truly the foundation that we’re laying for the rest of a child’s life. They’re just so adorable. Yes, M’am. Don’t forget the little dance – all by myself!
Q: DO YOU USE ANY PROGRAMS OTHER THAN ACTIVE PARENTING?
A: No Active Parenting was actually the only one out of the ones that I reviewed. I looked at Positive Parenting, I looked at, there was a parenting program specifically for African American families. There was a third one, it wasn’t Gentle Parenting but it was along those lines, but Active Parenting was the one that stuck with me more because it specifically talked about the type of psychology that it was based upon, being based upon Adlerian psychology. And I liked Adlerian psychology because Adlerian psychology actually focuses on the whole person and takes into account personhood. And that’s really important when we’re talking about a child because my philosophy is we’re not raising children, we’re raising adults. And in the end we want to have a good person. We want to have a respectful person, and to do that we have to consider that mindset from the beginning. We can’t wait until they’re 16 and decide oh now we need to make you ready for adulthood, no the character building takes place from birth and the character building is really more by example. I cannot tell you how to be a good person, I must show you how to be a good person. And in order to show you this, it’s by example. I must be and strive hard to be a good person and show you, my child, how to deal with adversity, show you how to respond when somebody is mean to you, show you how to react in situations that are unjust. So there are things that we’re teaching our children on a day-to-day basis that we don’t even think about. I can’t be behind the wheel of the car and have road rage and expect my child to drive a car and be sane if all they see is me screaming, and hollering, and cussing at every car in front of me and cutting people off and blowing the horn all the time. I have to leave in enough time to get where I need to be in the proper amount of time so that I don’t have rage. So this is the program that seemed to have ticked all those boxes.
Q: HOW DO YOU PROMOTE YOUR CLASSES?
A: You know I don’t have to do a whole lot other than list them on the Active Parenting website [class listing]. Because they are in the schools. And I have had clients who are judges, attorneys, doctors. So if one of my parents was a pediatrician, they’re sending people, if one of my parents was a teacher, they’re sending people or school administrators they know the value of getting these parents involved early. Head Start, they understand the value so a lot of it is word of mouth. And I just get these random phone calls and continuously keep the classes going. So after, I would say after the first 10 years it’s just been on autopilot.
Q: DO YOU TEACH IN-PERSON, VIRTUAL, OR BOTH?
A: I do both, but I really prefer virtual. And I prefer virtual because Nashville is a growing city. And of course with a growing city we have growing traffic and the traffic can turn an already frustrated person into a really frustrated person. So I like to have the best possible headspace for a parent coming into these classes. So what I mean by having the best possible headspace is if you’ve been ordered to this class by say the juvenile court, then you’re not really excited to be here. Because somebody told you you have to be here. Well, if I add on to that rush hour traffic, you’re really gonna be agitated by the time you get to a parenting class. So virtual is my preferred method because you can leave work, go home, get the frustration of traffic behind you have a few minutes to decompress and then take this parenting class in the comfort of your own home. And something else that it does for me as a leader is I get to see the interaction between you and your children because they’re going to interrupt and I get to see it. And I get to see them as well. So I get to see happy children. I get to see energetic children. I get to see children who don’t take no for an answer. And those are little things that we can use for tips for those parents as we’re doing these classes, how to actually reverse or change that attitude or that behavior without damaging the child’s psyche.
Q: HOW DO YOU KEEP YOUR VIRTUAL CLASSES ENGAGED?
A: That’s now that is a challenge. As far as virtual, that depends on the participants in the class. Now with our groups, you’re always going to have, hopefully, and I have found this is the case in most classes, you’re going to have a person who talks you’re going to have a talker and you’re gonna have a person who’s really quiet. I use breaks to get the person who’s really quiet to talk and go offline with them one on one and a chat. And then the person who talks a lot has the ability to draw out conversation in the other group members. So each group even though they’re different, they share some of the same characteristics and you just pull on the strengths of those in every group that you have. And it becomes something that you use to your advantage as a group leader because even though every group is different, they pretty much are the same.
Q: HOW DO YOU MAKE VIRTUAL CLASSES FUN?
A: I think the one I have the most fun with is CoCo parenting, because I have special outfits for CoCo parenting. I dress up like a referee you know because they like to fight all the time in CoCo and that’s what we’re trying to stop them from doing. We’re trying to teach them how to get along. So I have a referees outfit. I have a whistle and I have a flag so when they call each other x’s I throw a flag on the flag on the play, and I blow whistles when they call each other x’s. You have to make it fun.
And it’s the same kind of way with Families in Action. I’ve pulled out the referee shirt for them too, when the parents and the teens are going at it.
For our teens, I love to use the responsibility coins. That is something that they seem to enjoy having where responsibility—responsibility and freedom two sides of the same coin. You know if they want to have more freedom, they’re gonna have to be more responsible. Use that with them and journaling. Journaling is so very important for a teenager especially to get those feelings out.
And with the babies, just making sure we have toys and games that are child appropriate moving them away, especially in the First Five Years moving them away from technology and moving them back towards the cardboard books, paper. The things that they need to be using their hands with Legos, Duplo blocks, constructs, those things that enhance and build their brains. In a different way. Whereas technology Yes, it challenges one area of the brain. But our children need to not only be able to play in 3D they need to be able to see and draw in 3d and they can’t do that if they’re not doing this with their hands and manipulating things.
Q: HOW DO YOU KEEP THEM COMING BACK AFTER THE 1ST CLASS?
A: Give them something.
But giving away something that’s relevant to what you’re doing when I’m doing the First Five Years is really important to me safety for our babies. So I will give away things like plug protectors or cabinet locks, oven locks, things to keep the dryer doors closed, anything that will protect young children who are just doing what they do, and that’s getting into everything they’re exploring. They’re discovering the world and that curiosity that we need to embrace and encourage. Protect them while they’re discovering.
For the teenagers being able to give them magnets, bracelets, little things to decorate their lockers in school especially if we have a child when they make the transition from middle school to high school that can be very difficult. So there are magnets that have inspirational touches to them. And they can put that magnet inside their locker to tell them that you are enough. You are beautiful. You are amazing. The things that they need to hear, things that are targeted towards them and even that magnet that says you are enough. That’s something that our parents need to hear to because we beat up on them all the time. And a lot of parents, we tell them everything that they’re doing wrong, but very rarely do we tell them the things that they’re doing right. So they need to hear that and especially parents who have been court-ordered into parenting classes. They need to hear that they do something right. Waking up loving their child. That’s the right thing to do. So they need to hear it.
Q: HOW DO YOU GET GIVEAWAYS?
A: Oh, girl. You gotta know how to beg. Got to make friends in the community. Walk in the store and make friends with the manager and introduce yourself as a parent educator. And the fact that you use or buy or purchase some of the items in their stores to give away. And there are stores like Dollar Tree, Family Dollar, Dollar General, Walmart, Target, look for those stores that have community outreach programs. Where they can afford to give you inexpensive things, a kitchen timer. They can afford to just pass that off to you in the community. That’s part of their outreach and you’re helping families. It doesn’t sound like much when you’re talking about a kitchen timer. But when a kitchen timer can help you prevent a meltdown from a toddler. And that meltdown being prevented might prevent that child from being mistreated or abused. That’s valuable. And it’s worth a lot more than five bucks when we’re protecting the child or getting a $3 pack of flashcards. We’re assisting in the education of a young child that’s going to benefit them for years to come. So it’s much more valuable than the $3 that they wrote off as a gift to the community. So just going around, being creative and getting the community to help because they’re actually sponsoring your program when they do that and give them sponsorship listing.
Q: HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN BRAIN DEVELOPMENT?
A: Well, I think you need a good brain model. We have a beautiful picture of the brain in the parent’s guide and to assist us with our parents guide, if you have an actual brain, not a real one, a plastic model that you can pass around the room —particularly in colors, and there are plenty of colorful brain models. You can buy online and they’re not really expensive. You can find some relatively inexpensive ones. Just so the parents can get an idea of how the brain is structured and the two lobes and how those different parts work when they can actually see it and understand that we have Temporal Lobes as we show them in the parent’s guide; that those temporal lobes and the frontal lobe and the prefrontal cortex, how all that works together. Then they understand what’s actually going on in their child’s head when they’re having those tantrums. And how when we hold a child, when we comfort a child, how we are changing their brain chemistry and when we change their brain chemistry, their behavior changes. If I’m working out of my temporal lobes over here on the side of my ear, I’m really reactive. And if I’m really reactive, that means my left side is really, my accelerator is pressed on go.
I like to try to explain to parents how they’re explained in ADHD terms. Children with ADHD have a Ferrari accelerator and bicycle brakes. And that’s kind of explaining that the left side of our brain is our accelerator and the right side of our brain is our brake. So when we have a child that’s on the go, they got that Ferrari accelerator like ZOOM, but when it comes to stopping themselves, you know they got a bicycle brake so it’s not stopping that Ferrari very effectively at all. And when we can look at a child like that, then we can try to slow down so that the bicycle brake can be a little more effective. And we can slow them down through diet. We can slow them down through rest. We can make sure they’re sleeping so when they wake up they’re not in fifth gear, they wake up in first. So we can do some things like that. And helping parents just to see the brain and how it functions, helps them understand their child a little bit better. So it’s fun. It’s really fun, and I’m so thankful that Dr. Popkin, put brain science in this program.
Q: TELL US ABOUT “I” MESSAGES
A: I love them! I love “I” Messages because I’ve gotten a chance to see the “I” message come back example of how children learn and they learn from us using those “I” messages, and when they hear them on a regular basis they learn to express their displeasure in a respectful form of an “I” message. The beauty of this parenting model, I’m realizing, is in the newer generations—ok our children were brought up using Active Parenting. Our children have never had an Active Parenting course as parents. So our grandchildren are actually just being parented by parents who were actively parented. So they’re getting Active Parenting. So they are actually using “I” messages, they are using consequences. They’re doing all those things based on the way they were parented. Our grandchildren don’t like to be yelled at. They don’t think it’s necessary—and it’s not. They haven’t been hit. Not necessary, no need to do that. So they’re they’re just, the further down the generations that we go, the excitement that I have by the people who have actually gone through this, is we’re gonna see, I predict, gentler people in the future. More respectful people in the future. I think our levels of aggression will go down in the future. I’m hoping that the dream will come true in the future, that we’ll be able to disagree without being disagreeable. We’ll be able to just say hey Micole, you know, I respectfully disagree with you. And you’ll be able to say—Okay. I mean we do that now. But I’m talking about people in general, be able to just say “Okay, I just have a different opinion” and it will be okay to just have a different opinion. We won’t have to be nasty about it, or violent about that.
And I hear it with our grandchildren, like this little one who did not like that fact that her teacher was not answering or acknowledging that her hand was raised, so at 12 years old, she used an “I” message and she just said, “I have a problem with you ignoring me. When I raise my hand, it makes me feel bad. It makes me feel ignored. Because I have a valid question. And I don’t understand. And my parents have told me to ask if I don’t understand, but I can’t ask if you don’t acknowledge me, would you please acknowledge me or tell me to wait until later or something?” So to hear an adult shocked because a 12-year-old could use an “I” Message just lets you know that this two generations down is still a very powerful parenting technique because this child has repeated something she’s heard over and over again. A format of a message and that’s all she did, she remembered a format and she put that out in a way that was not offensive. She remained respectful.
QUICK TIP
Give them a little index card with the “I” message format already on it. It’s like a business card. Get you one of those packages from Avery, Office Depot, any business card format, and put the “I” message on there and just give those to your parents that way they can stick it in their wallet and when they need to use an “I” message, it’s right there.
Q: THE FUTURE OF PARENTING EDUCATION
A: I see it becoming more and more relevant. Especially now that the ACE study has become more and more mainstream. And more and more pediatricians are starting to do the screenings, along schools. I see parent education growing. So I see more and more leaders being needed. So those of us who are already doing this, we need to start recruiting more folks.
And I’m even amazed at the number of people who are starting to take these classes that don’t have children. These are people who are wanting to start families. The biggest surprise I had was a young man called me, who was thinking about asking his girlfriend to marry him, thinking about it. Hadn’t even asked her yet, but he knew he wanted to be a father someday in the future. And he took the First Five Years. I’m like you’re not engaged yet? He’s like “nope” I said “oh, so you really want to be ready” I said “oh, so you really want to be ready?” So he took the First Five Years, before he even asked his fiancé to marry him, because he wants be ready. And then there are people who’ve taken them because they realize it’s a huge responsibility. You know they’re thinking about parenting differently, parenting—being responsible for a life and living—is huge.
IN CONCLUSION
Pamela:
I’m speechless when it comes to parent education. I really am. Because it has it has just, it has enriched my life so much. And I am just so grateful for the number of families that have allowed me and have invited me into their lives to bring Active Parenting into their lives and the community that has grown out of this is phenomenal. It really does make the village come alive. So we’re not just talking about a village. We’re actually being a village.
Thank You, Pamela & all our Active Parenting Leaders, for everything you bring to our Active Parenting family & the families you help!
Pamela:
I am Pamela Wood, I am a Life Coach in Nashville Tennessee. I am with Family Life Enrichment Consultants. And I absolutely love Active Parenting and all of the Active Parenting programs. Thank you so very much for the joy of parenting that it’s added to my life. That’s it.
We hope you enjoyed this video interview and found lots of information on leading effective parenting classes!
Want to share tips? Reach out to our Training and Sales Manager, Micole Mason to schedule your interview.
Need more tips? Sign up for our weekly eNews and you’ll receive notifications about our monthly blogs, Leader Connections videos, program information, Training Opportunities, resources for your classes, and special offers.
Many thanks to National Trainer Pamela Wood for not only sharing her incredible insights, but also for leading webinars and facilitating the brain development portion of the annual, in-person Training of Trainers. Pamela has also contributed to our blog: Active Parenting is Heart Work! and Military Family Appreciation and Resources.
Active Parenting Publishers has been providing research-based education programs with an emphasis on nonviolent discipline, mutual respect, and open communication for over 40 years.
STAY IN TOUCH!
Click here to receive the latest news and offers from Active Parenting! And follow us on social media:
