22 Jul Finding Balance in the Digital Age: An Active Parenting Perspective on “The Anxious Generation” (teens & kids)
Jonathan Haidt’s Anxious Generation has certainly sparked important conversations about the well-being of our teens in today’s digital world, and we at Active Parenting have been following the discussions with great interest, particularly concerning the role of Active Parenting in the Digital Age. While the book highlights critical issues, it’s also important to consider a broader perspective, as some reviews suggest the negative impact of smartphones, though real, might be overstated as the sole cause of the current teen mental health crisis. Other factors are at play, and we don’t want to overlook them by focusing exclusively on smartphones and unsupervised play.
The Active Parenting perspective on parenting in the digital age
Haidt’s book presents four major recommendations, and here are Dr. Michael Popkin’s thoughts on each, viewed through the lens of Active Parenting’s principles:
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“No Smartphones Before High School”
We certainly support the growing trend of eliminating phones from schools, and many school systems are already moving in this direction. However, a hard ban on smartphones until high school might be overly ambitious as a goal. Such a strict rule could be incredibly difficult to enforce and potentially lead to more sneaking around and dishonesty, which would be hard for parents to manage. It might also be too much a “one size fits all” recommendation to be an effective solution for all families. The Active Parenting approach suggests that these types of decisions be made by each family and after employing the Family Meeting method of communication.
Furthermore, we’re hesitant to characterize smartphones as purely problematic for teens. They are powerful tools, offering instant access to information and enabling many useful behaviors. Banning them entirely until high school would mean losing out on these benefits.
Instead of outright prohibition, we believe the focus should be on empowering parents, government, professionals, organizations that serve families, and the media to work together. The goal should be to limit the negative aspects of smartphone use and, more importantly, teach teens how to use these devices safely and responsibly. A significant step in this direction is limiting teens’ access to adult-content apps that are readily available. We’ve seen positive movement here, with recent Supreme Court rulings supporting age-verification for pornography sites.
We’re also seeing another promising trend: the creation of “family media plans.” This involves families coming together in family meetings to set clear guidelines for smartphone use for both teens and adults. As long-time proponents of family meetings and “Prevention Talks,” we see this as a perfect fit for our revised Active Parenting of Teens program. These plans could include “no use” rules for certain situations, but more often, families will likely opt for limited use rules of some kind. For any of these approaches to succeed, it will require many families and communities to recognize the problem and actively work to educate and limit smartphone use in their homes. The more groups and families address this issue, the greater chance these ideas have of gaining traction.
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“No Social Media Until Age 16”
This point ties closely with the “no smartphones before high school” discussion. While the intent is clear, the practicalities of a strict ban are challenging. Our emphasis remains on responsible use and education. Our approach to parenting teens actively addresses “teens & technology (the Internet, social networking sites, etc.)” within our programs, providing parents with strategies for effective communication about online safety and responsible digital citizenship. By delaying access, we empower children to develop a strong sense of self and essential real-world social skills before navigating the complexities of online platforms. Open conversations and established family media plans are crucial here, ensuring that when technology is introduced, it’s done so mindfully and with clear expectations.
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” Phone-free Schools”
The call for phone-free schools is a powerful step towards reclaiming attention and fostering genuine connection in learning environments. The spirit of this recommendation aligns with our promotion of environments that encourage mutual respect and focus. When children are freed from constant digital distractions, they can more fully engage with their peers, their teachers, and their learning. This allows for the development of crucial social skills, problem-solving abilities, and a deeper sense of community within the school setting.
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“More independence, free play, and responsibility in the real world”
Active Parenting consistently advocates for “Every Day a Little Play,” recognizing that independent and imaginative play is fundamental to a child’s social, emotional, and cognitive development. As someone who grew up in a summer camp and has a background in recreation and outdoor education, I’m completely on board with the concept of a play-based childhood. However, safety was always paramount in the camp environment. Play and fun are essential, but never at the expense of safety. My father’s camp, for example, thrived without cell phones and safely served hundreds of campers.
So, while we support more face-to-face play between kids and less screen time, we’re not fans of excessive risk-taking. While many parents today can be overprotective, which can indeed be limiting for children, some of the risks suggested in Haidt’s book could be considered negligent if a serious accident or kidnapping were to occur.
At Active Parenting, we champion “freedom within limits.” We teach parents to discuss with other parents what is safe and appropriate for their neighborhood in today’s world. This philosophy is crucial for successful Active Parenting in the Digital Age. The environment changes significantly from generation to generation, and what was safe when we were growing up may not be now. We believe we can safely expand these limits and help our children gradually become more independent while still providing a healthy amount of adult supervision and monitoring.
Active Parenting in the Digital Age—Our Approach to Cell Phones and Social Media:
- FAMILY MEETINGS
Hold family meetings to discuss family values and rules regarding the use of phones and social media. You might decide that a “no use” until a certain age rule is what is right for your family, or you might decide to limit use until a certain age. - FREEDOM WITHIN LIMITS
This Active Parenting tenet plays a vital role at the heart of this issue. Parents set clear rules and boundaries but also allow for open communication and flexibility. The limits evolve as a child matures and demonstrates more responsibility. It’s about finding a middle ground between being overly strict (“limits without freedom,” like a dictator) and being too lenient (“freedom without limits,” like a doormat). Children are encouraged to participate in the rule-making process, fostering a sense of responsibility and accountability. - HANDS-ON APPROACH
Active Parenting always advocates engaged parenting. Engaged parents are in touch with what their children are experiencing and feeling and have built strong bonds with their children. These strong bonds lead to children who have a sense of stability, security, and confidence that counteract anxiety, depression, and damaging self-esteem issues that can be caused by negative social media interactions. It might be an easy answer to have a flat “No Use” rule but a more effective solution requires more involvement. - MODELING
Parents can model the behavior they would like to see from their children to reinforce the limits they have set. Parents can set a rule that there will be no phone use at family meals and model that behavior. Parents can model behavior like being engaged with the family and limiting the amount of time they spend scrolling. - COLLABORATION
For any of these methods to work, it will take a lot of families and others recognizing the problem and working to educate and limit the negative use of smartphones in their homes and communities. The more that groups work to do this and the more families that address the matter, the better chance that these ideas will gain traction and spread. Let’s look at how we all can work together to keep smartphones under our control, and not vice versa.
A Healthier Future
Ultimately, the key to navigating the challenges of the digital age lies in an engaged and collaborative effort. As Napoleon once said, “People do not want freedom; they want equality.” Teens are people, too. When teens see that their peers understand and accept the need for limits, it becomes easier for them to accept those limits themselves. And if parents also model responsible smartphone habits, like putting phones away during family meals, it sends a powerful message: “Smartphones are incredibly useful when used responsibly, but it’s easy for them to take control. Let’s work together to keep them under our control, not the other way around.”
In the upcoming revision of our Active Parenting of Teens (4th Ed) program, we plan to expand our section on addiction. We’ll help parents and teens understand how smartphone apps are often programmed to be addictive, and how, like any addiction, this can be incredibly destructive to individuals, families, and communities.
By working together—parents, educators, communities, and teens themselves—we can foster a healthier relationship with technology and empower the next generation to thrive in the digital age.
~ Dr. Michael Popkin
Active Parenting Publishers founder and president Michael H. Popkin, Ph.D. has been providing research-based education programs with an emphasis on nonviolent discipline, mutual respect, and open communication for 40 years. He is widely known for his expertise in the field of parent education and has appeared on over 100 TV programs, including CNN and The Oprah Winfrey Show.
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